Today is a very irritating day, it wasn’t supposed to be only if that *ahdghaljdgakwd* guy did not say those words! I was in my afternoon school because I’ve missed a lot of lessons and one of my classmates, lets name him asshole, was also doing the make up class. We were four in the table,we were doing our own works while our professor went out to do whatever. At first we are talking about whatever things, that asshole was very impolite to my seatmate that time, he kept on saying bad things directly on my seatmate and because I don’t think it’s right, I scolded him. He kept quiet but after awhile he said something that I can never forget.

“You know what, you look like a panda.”

I was like, “What? Panda?!”

“Yeah, a panda.” I know it was an insult but I tried to compose myself.

“Thanks.” that’s all I said.

“Maybe you should go to the zoo tomorrow.”

(Still trying to compose myself) “Actually, I’m planning it.”

“Good. I heard they give free foods for the pandas.”

I feel like a volcano exploding but because I don’t want to be in his level, I kept myself as calm as ever and smiled at him, “Ah.”

He then asked, “Are you angry?”

“No.” no, I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t angry I was so happy… very very happy to the extent that I would want to throw him out of the window!

“You shouldn’t be angry because that was a joke.” joke he say? the nerve.

“Right.” 

And that closed the topic. I did not spoke to him anymore and pretended to concentrate on my given work.

I am really really pissed off. I look like a panda?!!!

I’m not just pissed off, I’m hurt!

Do you remember the guy I told you from before, the schoolmate-bus-crushie guy? He’s absent today. I did not see him on the bus neither in school. Err… I feel sad, my day wasn’t completed. (;_;)*

It had been a long time since I last stole a look on a guy. I don’t know, I did not just had the feeling nor the interest of looking to the opposite sex in a different and malicious way. But this morning was different, there was this guy that I won’t deny that I know him. Well, I only recognized his face because he goes in the same school with me. But I never really thought that he could be that cute, when I was standing at the back part of the bus this morning and when he entered at the back door and stood beside me, I had a different feeling. Since I was standing,I held to a small bar there in the bus to maintain my balance, he was standing beside me and because he needed to maintain his balance too he held the bar I was holding. There was a big space, the bar was a bit long but the cute thing is, his holding near where my hand was. And everytime the bus bumped, our hands touched a little and it gave me a cute feeling I actually enjoyed. And also the bus was too crowded making us to be close to each other and because of that I can feel him beside me especially when he loose his balance and our shoulders or sometimes are back touches.

February 22, 2011 - I have a crush.

My mom just asked about my two Filipina friends. Those two are both tomboys but the other one has a boyfriend. They’re a bit bad with their attitude, ill-mannered would be the adjectives that the old and highly people would give to them. They say “fuck” or other bad words without any hesitations, they drink, smoke and did drugs. They were a part of a gang but that was the past. They’ve changed but people, unfortunately also my mom, have not seen the change my friends did.

She asked me, “where in the world did you pick those guys? Very ill mannered. Uneducated. And their looks, tomboys? Tsk.”

I was really offended. Very offended.

I wanted to shout to her and say that it’s none of her business but instead I just stayed calm and told her looking at my food, “Discrimination is bad thing. I hate people who discriminate and judge others. I pick my friends, I go out with whom I like. It’s not like they would hurt me, I’m old enough to take decisions. You don’t pick friends for your child.”

Silence proceeded.

I hate it that my mom discriminate my friends like that. I mean, she always decide for me. I have another two friends and they are both childrens of her colleagues and obviously she chose them to be my friends. She insist that I go out with them even if I don’t want to. I obey her, I always do.

But one thing, if she ever hurt my real chosen friends or push me away from them, I’ll run away.

My heart hurts so much when I read such heartfelt endings. Especially when I want more of it but there’s no more. It feels so hard to breathe. I’m not overacting, this is what I really feels. A moment ago, I just finished a manga—- a very good one. The ending is just so great that I can’t move on to it. I’m already missing Tsukasa’s playful attitude towards Hikaru. Aaah. That’s why I hate the fact that I love reading such cute romances! I need a boyfriend, a loving one! >___<